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When was the last time someone made you feel like this? Or this? As in really turned on, and knocked right off your feet. While you scratch your head and ponder, we’re going to assume it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it should in our crazy, busy culture.
We make time for a lot of things. Unfortunately, sexual pleasure isn’t as high-up on the to do list as that big school project, or that meeting at work. It’s hard to slow down and focus on lust, erotic desire, and being wanted. Sex is the last thing in the world we should rush. Here are some ways you can slow things down and really appreciate your lover in bed: 
Be thoughtful and deliberate. That doesn’t mean you should go to bed with a notebook full of step by step sex plans—It means you should go slow enough to feel everything, notice what your partner is enjoying, and figure out how to keep it going.
Be bold and inquisitive. Feel your partner’s response to your touch and the way you are pleasing him or her. Keep going until something else comes your way – another move of her or his body or another moan.
Use your body to their advantage. The best sex partners use their hands, lips, and tongue, but don’t stop there. Every part of your body can be used to please your partner. Rub a little oil (seriously, just a little or this might happen) on their body; put your lips in places that you think, or know, are sensitive; and make your tongue speak to their body.
Play doctor and study up on the body. A Ph.D in human anatomy is not required, but knowing some basics about bone structure, muscles, nerve endings, etc. can really help in the sack.
Talk to your sex partner. Tell him or her what you’re thinking. Ask what they want and like. But don’t give your lover an overview of the news, or a thesis on your love. Talk just enough to leave some silence for those moans or requests. Be sure your timing and word choice enhances the feeling and the mood.
Know what YOU like. The best lovers know what they themselves like, so figure out what really turns YOU on. Show your partner how you feel. Tell her or him what you want to do next. And expect that she or he will follow your lead.
Put your sexual partner/partners first. Sexually satisfying someone else is the biggest bonus – it’s a turn on, it pleasures your partner, and it means your turn is coming. If you have an orgasm first, stay attentive until your partner is happy and fulfilled. People come at different times during sex. So while orgasming at the same time would be fantastic, if you don’t, stay with it until your partner gets there.
Intimacy is key. One of the most intimate things a couple can do during sex is to leave the light on, your eyes open, and watch your partner closely when she/he is having an orgasm. It can be sensational – intimate and so powerful.
Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.
Do you have a question you would like to see included? Please email goddess@ppnne.org
